Thursday, January 26, 2012

Hot blooded? No!!

Out there in the world of classic rock (according to marketing idiots) there is a band called Foreigner. I think they are still around, playing at your local county fair or hard to find club with their following of 100+ fans who care (all older than 40) One of the more well known members is no longer in the band, for whatever reason: Lou Gramm.

I don't know much about Lou's personal history, look it up in Wikipedia if you want, but he sang with them at the height of their popularity. My impression of the band is pretty much average. They don't suck, but they are nothing special either. I do have a one minor gripe. And it's only a gripe cause it causes me to have a bad migrane.

It's the song "Hot Blooded"

I know it's a popular song, but it is so hard for me to listen to it. I know the lyrics quite well cause this song is played about 8 million times a day on the various radio stations I flip though while driving Nicky to Bath (the town, not the hygiene process involving water) You know, I think most of us in grade school, maybe junior high, wrote song lyrics or poems to ourselves about the way we felt about the world during puberty time. Most of us destroyed this or have it hidden somewhere where nobody can ever find it. But Lou Gramm was different, and in a way, a genius. He took his crap poetry and used it as lyrics for the songs Foreigner would record. Example:

"I'm hot blooded
Check it and see
I've got a fever of 103
C'mon baby, do you more than just dance?
I'm hot blooded, hot blooded!!"

This one is my favorite:

"Are you hot mama?
You sure look that way to me!!"

Ladies, you know with a pickup line like that, you can help but go to bed with a hot sassy guy like Lou Gramm.

There's also a line near the end of the song where he says "Your looking so tight" I don't understand looking tight. Your gynecologist or boyfriend might say "you feel tight" But I don't get looking tight.

Lou Gramm never struck me as a ladies man. Maybe I'm wrong, but he seems to be a sissy boy. He does ask later on "I want to know what love is" but it's not played enough on the radio. When it is I just change the station anyway.

Anyway, Lou Gramm, congrats on taking your idiotic ramblings from grade school and turning it into gold. Or at least royalties that you can retire off for the rest of your life. Very smart move. But I still think you suck!!

Saturday, January 14, 2012


Ok, a few years ago zombies were all the rage. Y'know, the dead brought back to life to feast on human flesh. Sure it works in the movies. But what about in life? (real life is a bit redundant) Let's take a look.

Zombie qualifications: Generally you already have to be dead to be re-animated and feast on the living. But how long can you be dead to physically be up for the challenge? Recent dead people who haven't been planted or cremated yet are your best candidates. Unburied people who have been dead for quite a while may not be physically up for the challenge (look if a corpse is nothing but bones, maybe some dried skin there will be issues, discussed here soon) Also what runs the zombie is the brain. If it's withered to nothing, it probably won't be able to function very well. Also what about the dead that are already buried? Will they re-animate but still be stuck underground? If in a state of decomposition they are not that physically strong. They will have to pop open the casket, then the lid of the sarcophogus, (yeah that's spelled wrong) then dig through the dirt on top. So it will be a bit creepy hearing in a cemetery all these buried corpses moaning and thumping underground.

What happens when they eat? OK, I have wondered about this. Do they have a working digestive system? I figure, not they don't. They are dead. So do they just expand until they pop open from constantly eating? Or does it slide through their system undigested, and since the flesh is undigested, do they go back for it? What if their digestive system does work. Are they potty trained or do they just shit themselves while they wander around looking for more living people to eat.

Physically functioning in the real world. I am taking it that they are cold blooded creatures since, well they are dead. So this does limit their habitat range. A group of them wanting to cross, say, Death Valley National Park to get to some living people in, Riverside Ca. It's a mighty big and dry desert out there, even in winter, not much rain. I would think that they would wither away while trying to cross the desert. Also what about arctic regions? Here they would freeze solid while looking for some fresh Eskimo meat. Therefore easy to stop and kill. And finally with large bodies of water. Would they float on the ocean to find some nice juicy Hawaiian natives? Or would their bodies sink in the ocean. Sure they may not drown but the pressures under the ocean could easily crush them to nothing.

Finally, are humans the only ones that become zombies? Why not otters, moose, cats and opossums? Or other critters. Doesn't make any sense to me. Would they go after humans or just their own kind only?

The whole zombie scenario just has too many questions for me, and honestly wouldn't last very long. They don't move to fast, probably smell bad, are quite distinguishable from the living, and just aren't too smart. People, please don't worry about zombie apocalypse. I think we could handle it pretty well.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Van Halen is back!!

The REAL Van Halen in my view. I grew up with Dave being the vocal ringleader of the group. The music kicked ass and the band seemed to be about fun. Obviously something went awry cause Dave left/got fired/abducted by Samoans. And so began the band's tenure with Sammy Hagar.

I never liked Sammy Hagar, before/during/after his stint with Van Halen.

For me the music seemed to have been toned down a bit, more pop like and more serious. Sure the rest of the band went along for the ride and they still sold lots of albums. But it just wasn't the same for me. It would be like if Pamela Anderson were taken out of Baywatch and replaced by Bea Arthur, it's just not the same and not as good.

Anyway long story short: Dave is back and I am happy cause Van Halen is back. I like the new song too.

I never heard any of the music when the other guy sang with them (Gary Cherone) so I can't make any snarky comments there.

Michael Anthony is gone too. He was cool, but why did he play a 4-string bass? He only played with one of them.

Anyway, fun is back, just a LOT older!!

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Crap for music, musical crap

Happy 2012 people!! Needed to get that out of the way.

I don't consider myself a music critic, expert, or even a musician. Hell even when I fart, it just doesn't sound right. But I like to bitch and moan about stuff, especially crap I don't like, when the motivation is there of course. This is a list of songs, musicians, albums, etc. I think blow. It's just my 2 cents and you may not agree with me. Whatever.

James Taylor: He's the softest of the sensitive wimpy musical people out there. He sings like he is playing to a group of toddlers in a daycare, except the kids don't care for him either. Why is his stuff played on rock radio? Does he like his sensitive image? Why on earth do people like him? (well that's the never answered question of the decade)

Michael McDonald: Sings like if he is trying to sing and say boo the way cartoon ghosts say boo. His music is simplistic, boring, no life or soul to it. Almost like he doesn't care what he is doing. Blue eyed soul?? Blue eyed lack of soul. Yeah he's the one that sings the Doobie's song "Taking it to the streets" Probably doesn't play it live cause it rocks out too much for him. Music that captures nobody's attention.

Meat Loaf: Please go away, I cannot stand your never ending, trying to be epic, crapola stories of what, I don't care. Your "image" is the opposite of your actual "talents". Actually it's someone else's talents, Jim Steinman right? If I heard he was raped by a rhino, it probably would make my crappy day a lot more cheerful (note: today is not crappy, but for a future crappy day)

Bruce Springsteen (brtween his first album and Born in the USA) Another one who plays these never ending epic stories of lives that no one ever really had. I remember back in the early days of MTV (the one with music videos) I think it was Rosalita. I'd switch the channels to something else, go back, still on. Kept channel surfing, song is still going. There were parts of the song that seemed like they would end, but never did. Though now I'm still not a Bruce fan, I can deal with his music (newer stuff) if it's on.

Michael Bolton: Please shut the hell up, you suck.

Rod Stewart: Musically has gone the direction of Michael Bolton, older stuff, not really that good. The only thing I can give him credit for is "Do ya think I'm sexy" Song makes me laugh every time I hear it, and I wonder if he takes the song seriously, which that in itself would be even more funny.

George Thorogood: I have never liked his music, or his giant robot head with huge teeth. Trying to do the "badass" who likes to drink a lot. Please get cirrhosis soon, for all of us. And your hardly the ladies man too.

Overplayed songs: Kiss: Rock n roll all night, Led Zeppelin: Stairway to Heaven, AC/DC: Back in Black, You shook me all night long, Black Sabbath: Paranoid, Joe Walsh: Life's been Good. Hey FM radio, these bands have other songs, why not check them out instead of us now hating these songs cause that's all you play!!

I'll have more later for you bemusement